Monday, January 23, 2006

out for a walk

decieded to leave the house on a friday night and go three blocks to an art opening. how much trouble can you get into with a three block walk? well it seems a lot. an old colored fella comes up behind me and starts screaming at me. he snuck up so me nor my friend could so him. now he had some kind of throat problem, like he was yelling at his wife all night. he was screaming 'you call me a faggot motherfucker! you call me a faggot!' i immediately wanted to crush his head in, and i'm not the violent angry type, but sneaking up on me like that screaming just unhinged me right from the start. he came really close so i pushed him back off me twice. now in some schisms touching the other guy is reason to start attacking, nuff said. i was losing it. lucky my buddy stepped in and split it up. he was laughing at the fact that this guy got under my skin. he was right. i still wanted to teach that sweatsuit, cigarrette smoking, hoarse ass voiced mofo a lesson though...

Thursday, June 09, 2005

so many new troubles...

traitors... drunks... lunatics... all too close to get away from. so many terrible ways to go. really if you think about it. once you meet people like this, it makes you wonder how you're not homeless in the rain cursing god to just finish it already. you feel like a rock star. then you think about the people that have never seen the 'darkside', how would they feel, or react? wide eyed thinking it was'nt a real possiblity that people are like this. life, death, jail, the loony bin are really not so far away. fucking scary how accessible it is to get on the path to be on the way out. maybe i see it to much, and it's enough for me to be above it to comfort me to know i'm ok. as long as i'm not like that i am winning the game. then i stop. need not be too ok with 'above bottom'. not in the gutter is fine for me, but that will get you nowhere, as i am sure you already know, in this life.

'you can't live a righteous life in the city', they say. i agree with the fella that said that. so easy not to. if you live in the country, you're not trying hard enough to be godless and lost like the rest of us. it's really easy once you start...

Saturday, April 30, 2005

they fightin'

well it seems it does'nt stop. i waited for friends tonite on a corner in the TL and man was it exiciting. my mental state was already in flux. hanging on that corner was extra. everyone wants something from you, either right now or just wait... drugs, money, turf, sex.. you're there, what do you want? when do you stop saying, 'no sorry, not tonite. no, no thanks.' that don't work. you need to look at them and lie and tell them things they want to hear or want to believe. no dice? be a hard case. challenge them a bit. most will see you're not a 'tourist.' stop and look at them.
i just went to buy popcorn around the corner. a tour bus brought a bunch of folks in from somewhere, young fellers. they were goning to a pretty nice club in a bad neighborhood. not good. 'upscale' guys drinking in front of where the 'local' boys hang out. basically the whole street was brawling. dudes in nice clothes chasing after guys. they were all running away from wherei was, i almost made it to the store. they ended up turning their prey the other way toward me. could'nt make the door. this one guy was about to catch up to the prey, when his fancy loafers slipped out on him and he slid like a seal at a marine show on his belly across the sidewalk. owwiie. the prey was ultimately caught right in front of me and 4 or 5 guys attacked him. i thought that's fucked, so many on one guy. i thought better of opening my mouth about the injustice of street justice. the prey's boys finally came along and rained the attackers with bottles and may have stabbed a bunch with the broken ends. this shit was like three feet from me. lucky i was a white guy and stoood out from the 'circle of life.' incredible. never saw someone wind up bottle and connect a point blank blow. they deserved it. 4 on 1 pussies. not unless he's a child molester or murderer. then again, i guess it's always great to have backup so you never lose whatever the cusade of the night might be.

Monday, April 04, 2005

happiness

i've had three really happy days i can remember in recent years. i need to write them down so i don't forget them. the rest are mostly bad. from a little bad to why don't i open this door and fall into traffic...

Monday, March 21, 2005

tuesday

a woman asked me, "what day is it? wednesday or thursday?" " it's tuesday", I reply
"oh fuck, I guess I lost that bet."
this is one example of the people I run into. never a dull moment. it makes me feel like a perfectly sound and sane person. thank you van ness for collecting these people for me.

failure

what would you attempt to do if you knew you would not fail?

Friday, March 04, 2005

none shall pass

so many bad things to think about and so little time to write them down...
it's incredible sometimes when i think about where i live and where i have lived. i feel like a shepard. everyone else is sheepsiss. or are they all wolfs. (wolves, i know) they all want to be wolves. you leave the neighborhood and it's like another country. beauty surrounds you in the form of humans and nature. coming out of the original environment it makes me feel like a killer. trying to be a mean and sketchy looking fella does'nt leave you easily. not much scares me out here. at all. i've been robbed east coast style before. no one shoots much out here. lil' bitches. when that 15 yr old had his pistol on my heart, i knew his little bitch ass would shoot me just because... fucker. i did nothing they told me. that's bad apparently. i say fuck you. make my corpse do what you want. i aint. they won $27 for their effort. i wish i had a sword, not a gun. chase them around and chop at them with a sword conan and sinbad style. that's what i'm talking about. hold your little pop gun sideways and try and shoot me. right. no one can shoot anything straight, let alone wanting to be a gangsta and shoot all sideways. i say ya'll should shoot sideways, it's the best way to kill people. i could cross a street eating a sandwich and none of you side ways shooting cunts would be able to touch me. then i would chase and hack your ass with my sword. then sheath that bitch and high five all the trannys and old folks that live on the block. no one is harder on the street than a fucking sword fighter. let you side ways shooting indiana jones's try and take me. miss me, miss me, miss me, oh sorry i just hacked your fucking arm off. oh and i can use a gun, by the way. all of them big little hand guns fucking rifles. i will out shoot and out hack you. please. please keep shooting sideways, just like the movies. it makes everything easier. i am the jamesbondtriplexxxconan- a-saurous. none shall pass

Tuesday, February 15, 2005

rain

you think the rain would cover things, everyone stays home. but what about folks in their cars in front of their houses? doing things in a condense filled environment, that none should know about, don't forget about them... they watch, just like everyone else. they, due to their transgressions, will remain silent. would everyone else act on things they see and hear? thankfully no. ever been on a bus? it's said that man cannot live a virtuous life in a city. most times i agree, but that's why i'm here...

...never fails

...put your faith in men and they will fail you, put your faith in me...